How to Open Up About Your Mental Health: Telling Someone You’re Not Okay

Even if you consider yourself “an open book,” figuring out how to tell someone you’re not OK mentally can be scary. Many people struggle with acknowledging their mental health condition, adding layers of complexity. It takes courage to share something this personal, so feeling worried about being judged or misunderstood makes sense.

Breaking the silence is important for your mental and emotional well-being, though. It allows others to understand that mental health conditions, like depression, are more common than assumed. Being open about your struggles also helps reduce the stigma surrounding therapy and mental health. This acceptance opens pathways for healing and shows that seeking help is a courageous step.

It’s natural to worry about burdening others or to fear being seen as weak, but asking for help with mental health issues is a sign of strength, not weakness. Read on to learn practical tips for opening up about your mental health, guidance on how to approach different people in your life, and advice on how to seek help if talking feels too difficult right now.

Practical Tips for Opening Up About Your Mental Health

Coming to terms with your situation can bring clarity and relief. First, understand that there isn’t a singular or right way to share where you’re at mentally, especially when you’re struggling with depression or anxiety. Second, don’t be embarrassed about your emotional state — 23% of adults in the United States experienced a mental health crisis between 2021 – 2022, so you are not alone. An overwhelming majority of Americans (87%) also believe that having a mental health condition is nothing to be ashamed of, so there’s an excellent chance the people you talk to are going to be understanding and empathetic.

The process, who you tell, and how you say it can all be tailored to your comfort level and needs. Take things at your own pace, and use the following tips to help you start conversations. This preparation can ease you into difficult conversations.

1. Choose the right time and setting

Timing is everything when you need to have tough conversations. Choosing a quiet and private space will make it easier to get the other person’s full attention. You might want to give a heads-up that you want to have a serious talk to prevent anyone from feeling caught off guard or cornered.

Not sure how to start? Try something like:

• “Do you have a moment to talk later? I have something important I want to share with you.”
• “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something I’m dealing with. Can we sit down later when you have some time?”
• “I need to share something personal with you. Do you have time for us to find a quiet place to talk soon?”

2. Start with someone you trust

Opening up about your struggles with depression or anxiety is easier when it’s with someone you feel safe with. Find a friend, family member, colleague, or someone else who’s empathetic and trustworthy. When you don’t have to worry about betrayal, you’ll feel safe, and it will be easier to open up or ask for help.

3. Be clear about what you need from the conversation

Being open and honest about your expectations and needs will help you get the most out of a conversation. Before you sit down to talk, think about what you hope to achieve and prepare accordingly. You might be looking for emotional support, asking for advice, or wanting someone you can just vent to. Once you understand what you’re looking for, it will be easier to express yourself, so you can avoid misunderstandings and unhealthy expectations.

Not sure how to start? Try something like:

• Please know I’m not looking for solutions right now — I just need someone to listen.
• I just need to vent a little; I’m not looking for advice right now, if that’s OK.
• I need your honest opinion about something I’ve been struggling with. Can you help me figure it out?

4. Start small and gradually share more

You can always open up gradually. Just because you need to talk doesn’t mean you owe anyone your entire life story all at once. Taking small steps and only sharing what you’re comfortable with is a good way to start.

Over time, you might become open to sharing more — there are no rules about how much you have to share at any given time. Prepare yourself mentally, so you’re ready when the time feels right to share more details.

5. Use “I” statements to express your feelings

“I” statements don’t come across as accusatory, so they help ensure your listener doesn’t get defensive. They also reduce the chance of misunderstandings. Starting off with statements like “I feel like…” or “I see things as…” helps make the conversation feel more personal. It’s an excellent tactic for any confrontation or interaction, not just when you’re trying to tell someone you’re not OK mentally.

Try something like:

• I’ve been feeling really down lately, and it’s been hard for me to focus or enjoy things.
• I’ve been really anxious lately, and it’s affecting my days.
• I feel like I’ve been carrying a lot of weight on my shoulders, and it’s starting to wear me down.

6. Use text or written communication if speaking feels too hard

If talking feels overwhelming, there are other ways you can communicate. Writing is a good alternative if you can’t find the words or energy for a face-to-face conversation. You can always send a letter, email, or text to let them know you’re struggling or to ask for help.

7. Explain why this conversation is important to you

Sharing why this conversation matters can help set the tone for open and meaningful communication. If sharing the gravity of your emotional health or mental state is hard, try framing it in a positive way. Remember that by sharing, you’re taking a step that can ultimately benefit your mental health in the long run.

8. Be prepared for different reactions

Not everyone will react the same way when you open up about your mental health. Telling someone you’re not OK mentally can be just as unnerving for them as it is for you. They might not know what to say or do, or they might need time to process what they’ve heard — reassure them that it’s OK. If you feel upset by a reaction you get, try to focus on the bravery it took for you to share with them rather than the response you’re getting.

9. Consider professional support if you’re unsure where to start

Even if you’ve got a great support system of friends and family who are there for you, sometimes you need professional support. Therapists and other mental health providers are trained to listen. They can offer practical, effective support in a judgment-free, safe space and provide you with coping tools to use in your everyday life and relationships.

“To open up to your therapist about your mental health issues you can start by taking some steps to help you. First, you can discuss confidentiality with your therapist, start with small things you want to share, you can practice looking at the mirror before your appointment, or you may feel more comfortable writing some notes to discuss with your therapist. Remember that therapists are non-judgmental and create a safe space for you to open up. Challenge yourself to open up and let your therapist know what you are looking for in a therapist,”

Talkspace therapist, Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW

How to Talk to Different People About Your Mental Health

Depending on who you’re talking to, your conversations will probably sound different. It can help to think in advance about how you’ll approach interactions based on your audience. For example, talking to friends can be a very different experience than when you open up to your parents, children, or other family members.

Use the following tips to help you navigate discussions with specific audiences.

Talking to friends

Opening up to a friend about your mental health challenges can bring a sense of relief. The support you get from friends will probably be very different from what you get from family members. Friends might seem less judgmental and more empathetic, offering sensitivity you might not get from others.

A trusted friend can offer practical advice about mental health or be a listening ear that you don’t have to worry about. If you’re not sure which of your friends you should talk to, try to choose one who’s been understanding in the past or who you know you can openly express your feelings to.

Talking to family members

Conversations about mental health with family members can feel complex, especially when family dynamics are involved. While they can be some of your strongest allies, family members may also have their own perspectives, which can sometimes make open discussions challenging.

Approaching the conversation with honesty and vulnerability is key to fostering understanding, even though it may feel difficult at first. Try to be clear about what you need from them—whether it’s advice, empathy, or just someone to listen. Remember that family members might not always know how to respond right away, so be patient and give them the time and space to process what you’re sharing. With time, these conversations can help deepen your connection and strengthen your support network.

Talking to colleagues or supervisors

Workplace conversations about mental health require a delicate balance of professionalism and openness. They’re important to have, though — they benefit you, help your employer understand what you need, and work to reduce the stigma of mental health. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Think about accommodations like:

• Time off
• Mental health leave of absence
• A flexible schedule
• Remote work options
• A hybrid schedule

Be clear about your needs, but feel free to have boundaries about what you share. Boundaries are essential when you’re dealing with mental health challenges at work. Be firm, concise, and professional as you explain what you’re going through. Emphasize your commitment to your position or role as you care for your mental health. Remember, prioritizing mental health in your workplace benefits both you and your employer.

Talking to a professional

If you don’t have a close friend or family member to talk to — or if you’re not getting what you need from the people you’ve opened up to — it might be time to seek professional help.

Mental health professionals are experienced and trained to help you work through depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. Therapy provides a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can develop effective coping strategies.

Alternative Ways to Express Yourself When Talking Feels Hard

Having emotionally charged conversations can be taxing and make verbal communication feel overwhelming. If you’re looking for alternative ways to express yourself, some ideas include:

• Writing a letter
• Sending an email
• Texting
• Journaling for your mental health
• Making and sharing a playlist with songs that reflect your experience

These avenues can sometimes convey your feelings better than words alone. Just because you don’t have a traditional conversation doesn’t mean you can’t get through to people in your life. There are ways to share you’re not OK without actually saying it. Sometimes these methods can even result in deeper conversations you’re more comfortable with in the future.

Building a Stronger Support Network

Being open about your mental health, especially during a mental health crisis, is a crucial step in your healing process. It allows you to build a strong support network that you can trust to be there when you need them most. By sharing your journey, you not only break down stigma but also foster greater understanding among those around you.

Seeking help and taking charge of your mental health can be empowering—it’s a sign of strength. Learning to open up about challenges like depression and anxiety is an invaluable tool in managing your well-being. If you feel that professional support would be helpful, online therapy offers an accessible, affordable, and convenient option to guide you on your journey.

Learn more about online therapy from Talkspace and get started today.