Overcoming the Feeling of Loneliness in a Relationship

Feeling lonely in a relationship can be one of the most isolating experiences you’ll ever have. You want to feel companionship and a connection that’s uplifting and makes you better in every way possible. However, as couples experience ups and downs, feelings of love and companionship may sometimes wane, leaving a sense of isolation. When what you hope to feel and what you actually feel in your relationship is strikingly off, it can be painful…and lonely. 

If you’re struggling to feel connected with your partner, know that you’re not alone. It’s normal to feel lonely in a relationship from time to time. It’s also important to know that loneliness doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is failing; love can still be present. It might be just a temporary phase caused by misunderstandings or relationship stress, but it can also be a sign of deeper issues that need your attention.

Keep reading to learn more about what causes loneliness in a relationship and find tips on rebuilding emotional connection and intimacy with your partner.

Understanding Why Loneliness Happens in Relationships

Loneliness in a relationship is usually more about a lack of emotional connection than the absence of physical closeness, and it can sometimes point to deeper relationship problems, like feeling unappreciated or undervalued. Two people can share the same physical space but feel worlds apart when emotional intimacy is lacking. 

Many couples feel lonely in their relationships. According to research, 20% of wives and 24% of husbands report feeling “significantly lonely.” The same study also found that as loneliness increases, so does depression, so it’s worth it to try and figure out why you’re feeling the way you are.

Common triggers of loneliness in relationships include:

• Unmet expectations: When there’s a difference between what you need or want from your relationship and what you’re getting, it can lead to isolation and loneliness.
• Communication barriers: Misunderstandings, poor communication skills, or a lack of open dialogue can create emotional distance, increasing loneliness.
• Unresolved conflict: Unresolved disagreements or conflicts can create resentment and make it difficult to feel connected.
• Life changes: Shifts in priorities or major life events will happen throughout your relationship. Factors like career demands, having a new baby, or relocating can be stressful and disrupt the balance in your relationship, causing loneliness. If not addressed, the loneliness that stems from life changes can be one contributor to a tumultuous relationship.

Signs That Loneliness May Be Affecting Your Relationship

It’s not always easy to identify loneliness in a relationship with your partner. It can manifest through subtle signs before escalating into a larger issue that’s more obvious, like anxiety or psychological distress. It’s important to be aware of the signs of loneliness, though. When patterns persist without getting any attention or resolution, they can make you more emotionally disconnected. 

Eventually, unaddressed loneliness in your partnership can lead to feelings of resentment or hopelessness. This can create a cycle where loneliness in a relationship becomes harder to break, which is why recognizing and understanding why you feel so lonely is crucial. Recognizing the signs early is the best way to prevent further strain or the potential demise of your relationship. Failing to address these signs can sometimes result in a loveless marriage, making it important to act early.

Common signs of loneliness in a relationship include:

• Reduced communication: Conversations become less frequent or feel superficial and transactional rather than meaningful.
• Lack of affection: Physical and emotional intimacy diminishes, such as fewer hugs, kisses, or expressions of love.
• Feeling emotionally unsupported: You may feel that your partner doesn’t understand, acknowledge, or care about your emotions.
• Increased irritability or conflict: Small disagreements may escalate as a result of unmet emotional needs or frustration.
• Spending more time apart: Both partners may start to seek solace in separate activities, social groups, or hobbies instead of enjoying time together.
• Feeling unseen or unimportant: You may feel like you’re in a one-sided relationship where your thoughts, feelings, or contributions go unnoticed by your partner.
• Loss of shared joy: Activities that once brought you together may now feel obligatory or are avoided altogether.

By paying attention to these signs, you can address the underlying issues early and work toward reconnecting with your partner in a meaningful way.

How to Overcome Loneliness in a Relationship

Rebuilding a connection takes effort from both people. Partners should remember that it’s not just the presence but the depth of connection that matters. The good news is it is possible to work through loneliness in a relationship with the right tools, strategies, and support. Use the following practical ways to help you overcome feeling lonely in a relationship:

Improve communication with vulnerability

Learning to communicate better in a relationship is critical for maintaining a healthy relationship. Open, honest communication forms the foundation of a strong connection, and embracing vulnerability allows you to bond more deeply with your partner. Sharing your feelings in a constructive way can help you express your emotions without assigning blame or making your partner defensive.

One effective approach is to talk through your needs and listen to your partner’s feelings using “I feel” statements. These statements focus on your emotions rather than placing blame, creating a safe space for dialogue. For example:

• “I feel lonely and want to work on our intimacy.”
• “I feel like we’ve drifted apart and want to be close again.”
• “I’ve been feeling really alone lately — I want to work on prioritizing our relationship again.”

Reconnect through intentional quality time 

Life gets busy, and when it does, making quality time for each other can be increasingly challenging in your relationship. That’s when it’s so important to carve out time to spend together. Whether you plan a date night, a weekend getaway, or an evening walk, taking intentional time to reconnect can put the spark back in your relationship.  

Build emotional intimacy

Being emotionally intimate is about more than physical closeness; it’s a key way to deal with loneliness and foster a stronger emotional bond. When you can connect on a deeper level, you both will feel safer, more understood, and truly valued. Consider doing things that promote vulnerability and build emotional intimacy, like having deep and intentional conversations, journaling together, or expressing gratitude for each other.

Express appreciation and understanding

Something as simple as showing appreciation and understanding for each other can go a long way in a relationship. You don’t have to make grand gestures, either. It can be as easy as acknowledging their efforts, doing something kind, or openly expressing how grateful you are to have them in your life.

Evaluate and align expectations

Over time, your needs and expectations can change. If you ever realize you’re no longer feeling fulfilled by your relationship, it’s time to reassess things. Have open discussions and work together, sharing what each of you wants, so you can realign and refocus.  This is a key opportunity to reconnect and rediscover love. 

Invest in yourself

If your loneliness is the result of personal dissatisfaction or unmet needs (not something your partner blatantly is, or isn’t, doing), investing in yourself can help you fill the void. Try picking up a hobby, pursuing a new passion, or developing friendships and social connections as ways to take care of yourself. 

Focusing on yourself and practicing self-care will give you the energy, confidence, and courage to recommit to your marriage or partnership. Self-care and self-development can also enhance your overall health and happiness.

Seek support together

If your partner is willing, couples therapy can be a safe space to work on your relationship. Therapists help you identify underlying issues so you can focus on recreating a healthy connection. A trained mental health professional will offer relationship advice and teach you how to communicate that you’re feeling lonely in a relationship.

“Effective communication and mutual empathy can help resolve feelings of loneliness in relationships by fostering a safe space for partners to share their insecurities and emotions, making each partner feel more secure and validated.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

How to Prevent Loneliness from Returning

Loneliness isn’t something you can work on one time and then just move on. It takes ongoing effort, frequent dialogue, and a commitment from both partners to fully address the issue to keep love alive and maintain closeness. To stay connected long-term, try:

• Having regular check-ins: Formally scheduling conversations ensures you’re making time to talk to each other. Make it a point to share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns often, so loneliness issues don’t start to build up. These regular check-ins will help you stay aligned and avoid misunderstandings.
• Creating shared goals: Having shared goals, like planning a vacation, saving for a house, or learning a new skill together, helps keep you connected on a deeper level. Working together on something that’s important to both of you can be fun — and rewarding, once you achieve it. 
• Prioritizing emotional intimacy: People with the strongest relationships realize that emotional intimacy must be a daily habit. Affectionate gestures, kind words, and thoughtful acts are ways to prioritize the emotional well-being of your relationship and strengthen your romantic connection.

“It is important for couples to develop the habit of talking every day, as this helps facilitate difficult conversations and prevents issues from escalating. Regular communication can reduce arguments and foster mutual understanding.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

Finding Hope and Strength in Your Relationship

Loneliness in a relationship is painful, but try looking at it as an opportunity to grow closer. When you take the time to identify and address the underlying causes, embrace vulnerability, and commit to making long-term efforts, you can rediscover that spark and connection. It’s a shared journey requiring empathy and effort. Building emotional intimacy takes compassion, time, and patience, but it is worth the effort.

If you’re struggling and feeling lonely while in a relationship, professional support can help. Online couples therapy from Talkspace will give you the tools and guidance you need to reconnect and foster a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship dynamic.