Reparenting in Therapy: Healing Your Inner Child

Reparenting is a concept in therapy that focuses on healing your inner child by dealing with emotional scars left from childhood. Nurturing your inner child can lead to profound personal growth and healing as you address wounds that have likely been there for years. Giving yourself the care, support, and guidance you didn’t get during your formative years through inner child healing can be transformative, helping you develop a sense of self-compassion as you build emotional resilience.

To better understand how this works, let’s explore the foundational elements of reparenting and how it facilitates such deep emotional healing.

What is Reparenting?

Reparenting — or “limited reparenting” — involves a mental health professional taking on the traditional role of a concerned, trustworthy parent so you can learn what a healthy caretaker-child relationship should look like. Through reparenting therapy, you can work on emotional healing by addressing issues from your childhood, like unmet needs, trauma, or lack of affection.

Reparenting yourself is based on the idea that growing up without having your needs met can cause devastating psychological issues in adulthood. If you didn’t feel secure or loved unconditionally as a child, navigating adult relationships and life can be incredibly challenging. 

The 3 important aspects of reparenting

Reparenting therapy is based on the fundamental idea of revisiting stages in your life where there might have been emotional or psychological pain, aiming to reconcile and comfort your inner child. During therapy, you seek to obtain the nurturing or supportive responses you lacked, which is facilitated by the therapist’s guidance. This therapeutic approach hinges on three key roles:

1. Adult: This is you in the present day, approaching your past experiences with the wisdom and perspective of adulthood. As the adult, you engage in the therapeutic process to understand and heal the wounds of your past, fostering a nurturing environment for your inner child.
2. Inner child: This represents you at the age you experienced emotional challenges or trauma. In reparenting, you connect with this younger version of yourself, exploring their needs and emotions that were unaddressed or mishandled at the time.
3. Parent: In this role, the therapist acts as the compassionate and understanding figure that was needed during the traumatic period. They help model and provide the “right” responses, which were missing originally, effectively teaching you how to offer these responses to yourself.

By defining these roles clearly, reparenting allows you to reshape your self-perception and relationship patterns, promoting healing and growth from within.

Types of Reparenting Techniques

Reparenting therapies have evolved through the years, each uniquely designed to reconstruct the foundations of trust and safety that were missing in childhood. This transformative process empowers you to overcome childhood trauma and thrive in the present.

The main types of reparenting are as follows:

Total regression

Developed by Jacqui Lee Schiff, total regression is a unique and contentious form of reparenting therapy, emerging as the earliest approach based on transactional analysis theory. In this intense treatment, clients often reside with their therapist at a dedicated facility, sometimes for several years. This immersive process involves patients reliving aspects of their childhood within a controlled environment, where the therapist delivers comprehensive care and nurturing tailored to meet the needs of the client’s inner child.

Time-limited regression

Thomas Wilson pioneered this specific form of limited reparenting, designed specifically for individuals with schizophrenia. Unlike methods that involve total regression or cohabitation, this treatment involves five structured sessions, each lasting two hours. During these sessions, participants receive intensive, focused nurturing, carefully tailored to foster therapeutic progress without the need for full-time immersion.

Spot reparenting

Spot reparenting, developed by Russell Osnes, is tailored specifically for individuals who experienced discrete, painful incidents in their childhood rather than ongoing, generalized disturbances. This approach delves into targeted events, providing focused healing and support where it’s most needed.

Self-reparenting

Unlike earlier forms of reparenting, Muriel James’ self-reparenting process does not entirely attempt to replace the parent ego state. Instead, it emphasizes and reinforces the positive attributes already present in the client’s ego. Additionally, this form of reparenting places you at the center of the healing process rather than the therapist, empowering you to be the primary catalyst for your own change.

“The most common form of reparenting is self-reparenting in which a therapist fosters a client’s own ability to parent themselves in the way that they wanted to be parented. Clients are encouraged to reflect on their original parent’s ego state in order to create a new one.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Benefits of Reparenting Your Inner Child

Reparenting your inner child offers many benefits that can enhance emotional and psychological well-being. When you work to address and heal childhood wounds, you can fundamentally change your sense of self-worth and self-awareness. The emotional regulation process can enhance your sense of value as your fundamental needs are validated. Reparenting yourself can pave the way for intense growth, resulting in a rewarding, fulfilling, and balanced life.

Healing emotional wounds

Reparenting can heal emotional childhood wounds by giving you the support and love you didn’t receive during your formative years. It can help you process your past experiences in a healthy way to foster self-compassion and bolster emotional resilience.

Improving self-esteem

Reparenting helps you address the deeply critical internalized messaging you received during childhood. Through consistent validation and gentle nurturing, you’ll start to believe that you deserve love and are valued, improving your self-esteem and reshaping your self-image. 

Developing healthy relationships

When you break the cycle of dysfunction that you learned in childhood, you’ll begin to develop healthy relationships centered around positive and effective communication and the ability to regulate your emotions. Because reparenting helps you heal past wounds, you can learn to trust and feel secure in your relationships.

Enhancing emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence helps you manage your emotions and respond to others in healthy, constructive ways. Reparenting encourages you to evaluate how you react to situations and people on an emotional level. It can lead to greater self-awareness and enhanced empathy. 

Creating a secure attachment style

The attachment style you develop in childhood will dictate nearly all your relationships as an adult. Reparenting can help you create a secure attachment style, enabling healthy relationships where you trust and feel emotionally safe.

Fostering self-compassion

Self-compassion is directly linked to self-acceptance, which is crucial for building a compassionate relationship with yourself. Reparenting can help you learn to ignore or eliminate self-criticism by focusing on being kind and understanding what you should have received as a child.

Promoting personal growth

Reparenting can promote growth as it empowers you to confront and deal with trauma that’s impacting your current life and relationships. As you develop a deeper understanding of why you react to things the way you do and explore your own emotional needs, you’ll be able to pursue your goals.

Encouraging responsibility and self-care

When you recognize and meet your own needs, you’ll start to prioritize self-care through healthy habits that show you’re committed to and believe you deserve physical and emotional health.

Gaining closure

When trauma isn’t dealt with, the unresolved emotional damage and unmet childhood needs from your past can cause lingering pain that makes it virtually impossible to move forward. Reparenting can offer closure as you work to process your past.

Revitalizing joy and playfulness

Part of reparenting involves helping your inner child reconnect with that natural sense of wonder, joy, and playfulness children should experience. Reparenting encourages you to embrace fun and creativity, which can lead to enhanced happiness and well-being.

Common Challenges in Reparenting

While it can be beneficial for many, going through reparenting in therapy does have some challenges. First, it requires patience and self-compassion. A skilled, experienced therapist also needs to help you navigate the process. 

Other challenges you might want to be prepared to deal with include:

• Resistance: You might experience internal resistance because your mind fears the unknown.
• Emotional discomfort: The process often brings up deep, overwhelming, intense emotions, including fear, anger, and sadness.
• Doubt and self-criticism: Along the way, it’s not abnormal to feel doubt and self-criticism, which can make you question the process and whether you are worthy of healing.
• Dealing with memories of trauma and abuse: Dredging up the memories of trauma and abuse can be painful, causing traumatization in some cases.
• Emotional overload: Be prepared for a flood of emotions, as traumatic memories can trigger distress.
• Difficulty trusting the process: Accepting reparenting can be challenging, and trusting the therapeutic process can be difficult for some people.
• Managing setbacks and maintaining a commitment to healing: Setbacks and relapses can be expected during this form of therapy. Being prepared to identify old and unhealthy behaviors and thought patterns can help.
• Staying motivated: Reparenting is a long and usually challenging journey that can be difficult when immediate results aren’t experienced. 

“During the process of reparenting, a client can expect to really examine how they were really parented. They can abandon techniques from the original parenting style that no longer works for them, and identify techniques they would like to change in regards to the new parenting style they are trying to recreate.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Steps to Begin the Reparenting Process

The reparenting journey follows a clear and structured process, designed to address and heal childhood wounds methodically. This therapeutic approach provides a step-by-step framework, allowing individuals to safely explore and resolve past traumas.

1. Self-assessment: Self-assessment helps you and the therapist understand how you were wounded as a child and what your inner child needs to heal.
2. Establishing safety: Before undertaking intensive emotional work, you must create a safe, supportive mental environment where you feel protected.
3. Dialogue with your inner child: Dialogue is critical to reparenting. Your therapist will likely encourage you to use meditation, journaling, or guided imagery.
4. Meeting your unmet needs: The final step of the reparenting process involves actively figuring out how to meet your inner child’s needs. Practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and focusing on healthy relationships are all common ways to achieve the final step.

10 Effective Reparenting Techniques

Mastering reparenting techniques is crucial for addressing and healing from the lingering emotional wounds of your inner child. These strategies enable you to provide the care and support that was missing in your earlier years, fostering healing and empowerment.

1. Write letters to your younger self

Try writing heartfelt, meaningful letters to your younger self. In the letters, express your love and understanding for your inner child. Focus on forgiving past mistakes and celebrating small victories to foster healing.

“A lot of the purpose of writing to our younger selves includes relinquishing guilt and shame. Not only shame towards our parents for not knowing or trying to parent better. But, also to ourselves for absorbing their critique and shame and making it our own. We can only do better if we know better. We didn’t know better.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

2. Speak affirmations and comforting words to your reflection

Affirmations are powerful. Stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself, and speak kind, comforting words to yourself. This “mirror work” helps reinforce self-love and acceptance, facilitating a deeper connection with your inner child.

“Mirror work is looking into a mirror and reminding ourselves that during good times, we should be proud of ourselves. And during bad times, we should be loving to ourselves anyway. For most of us, this is a muscle that we haven’t been using, so it may take a few weeks to see the benefits. Eventually, it becomes a natural part of our routine.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

3. Recognize and accept your feelings without judgment

Judgment is painful for the inner child. Acknowledge your feelings and accept them without criticism. Learning to embrace your emotions with compassion can significantly ease internal conflicts and foster emotional recovery.

4. Practice setting boundaries

Practice setting and enforcing healthy boundaries with family or friends that will protect your emotional and physical well-being. Clear boundaries are a form of self-respect and crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and personal space.

5. Engage in mindfulness and meditation

Mindfulness and meditation help you stay in the moment while connecting with soothing your inner child. These practices can reduce stress and anxiety, making it easier to process and heal from past traumas.

6. Use art, music, or dance to explore and express feelings

If you’re creative, outlets like art, music, or dance can help you explore and express yourself. These activities offer a safe space to release emotions and can be profoundly therapeutic.

7. Participate in playful activities

Playful activities can help you reconnect with your inner child. Engaging in play can stimulate creativity, reduce stress, and bring joy and spontaneity into your life.

8. Educate yourself about and implement a nourishing diet

Having a balanced and healthy diet reaffirms to your inner child how much you care about them and their well-being. Good nutrition supports overall health and can improve your emotional equilibrium.

9. Incorporate enjoyable physical activities

Integrating physical activities that you enjoy doing promotes both physical and mental health. Exercise can be a powerful tool for managing stress and boosting your mood.

10. Build a supportive relationship with a therapist or counselor

Establishing a supportive and strong relationship with your therapist will be vital to your healing journey and the reparenting process. A therapist can provide guidance, support, and validation as you work through emotional wounds.

Heal Your Inner Child with Talkspace

Talkspace is an online therapy platform that makes getting help convenient and accessible — you can even work through reparenting yourself from the comfort of your own home. Contact Talkspace today to learn how to start therapy and heal your inner child. You deserve to build and have the life you’ve always wanted — Talkspace can make it possible.